...you probably can't remember your best jokes when you need them. It's like, everybody in the room is firing up stuff hot off some Huntsville lifer's brain, and you're sitting there, with only the teeth in your mouth and one old standby in the chamber:
"Why did the Aggie snort Sweet 'N' Low?(If you yourself have never had even that piffling wad of ammo until now, please accept my condolences. It is a pretty good one the first time you hear it, isn't it?)
"He thought it was Diet Coke."
Well, if you've read this far (and I know you have), I'd like to pass on another joke, just like the joke I put here as a hidden bonus track last time, only different, because last time it was a dirty one about a little kid, and this time it's a clean one about a stupid Aggie. (No offense to the Ags in the audience, but I originally heard this in a slightly different form, and you just can't say the P-word any more. It isn't being done.)
So there's this bar, right, and it's five o'clock, which means that not only is it well into happy hour, but the early local news is coming on. And the opening blurb is about this guy downtown who's out on a ledge, right now, live and in color.
Well, that gets the alkies' attention, all right, so everybody's watching this tense situation hoping out loud that the police will save this poor guy while hoping to themselves that they're gonna get to see something cool. And about three minutes into the broadcast, the guy jumps, on camera and everything. Eight stories. (Yikes.)
So six o'clock is rolling around, and more people are coming in after work, and one of them is this Aggie. And the TV station is running teasers for the top-of-the-hour broadcast, and they tell you to stay tuned and find out what happens to the guy on the ledge. And the Aggie sees this, and he says, "Hell, that guy isn't gonna jump."
Well, the bartender hears him, and so he decides he's gonna take this guy for a ride. So he says, "Sir, would you care to make a small wager on that?" So the Aggie says hell yeah and bets fifty dollars that that guy stays on that ledge.
Okay, so the news guys replay the tape, and sure as shit the guy jumps, but you already knew that. So the Aggie cusses a blue streak, but he pulls out a fifty and gives it to the bartender. "Ya got me, man, fair and square." And so the bartender starts to feel guilty and kinda bad, 'cause y'know, he didn't. So he thinks about it for a second, and then he gives the fifty back to the Aggie.
"I can't take your money, man," he says. "I wasn't really making an honest bet, here, 'cause y'see, I already knew that guy was gonna jump. I saw him on the five o'clock news."
"Well hell, I did, too," the Aggie says back. "But I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to do it again!"
Yes, that was the end. Aren't you glad you know that now?
Here's your hat, what's your hurry? -- KT