Waddle right up!
Bark! Heel!
Crawl right up on the bed
Sit! Stay!
I wanna dig it up
I wanna chew it up
I wanna pee on it
I wanna shit on the floor (not on the paper)

[musical interruption]

I am dog farts
dog breath, dog hearts
I am dog farts
Dog fur, dog smarts
Oh yeah, they really want me
they really want me
they really do
Oh yeah, they really want me
they really want me
I gotta poo!
I wanna be the dog with the most steak
If you feed me too much I get a big tummyache
My farts are so loud they make the dishes quake
And someday you will ache like I ache

don't like the look of it
don't like the taste of it
don't like the smell of it
I want Purina dog chow

All the pups are all lined up
I'll give you the one you want
Take their ears and flip 'em back
Now, doesn't it make 'em look cuter?

[another musical interruption]

"How much is that doggie in the window....?"

Drag it on inside (Surprise!) Whatever it was, died
Stains like the blood on the rug
Bite! Chew! Suck! (don't you get fed enough?)
I wanna rip it up
I wanna tear it up
I wanna claw it up
I wanna gnaw it all down
Maybe afraid of it
Let's bark at it
Let's drool on it
I wanna wolf it all down

[yet another musical interruption]

...raise up my paws til I'm on track
scratch all the fleas right off my back
please heal my wounds and set me free
make all my flea bites history
how does it feel?
DIP! DIP! DIP!...

All the pups are all lined up
I give you the one you want
Take their ears and flip 'em back
Now, doesn't it make 'em look cuter?
The puppies sleep tonight

[last one we promise!]

In the doghouse the mighty doghouse the puppies sleep tonight
In the doghouse the mighty doghouse the puppies sleep tonight
ARRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

May they please sleep soundly
and all you miserable dog owners are all right

-- lisa livingston and robin colleen moore