you let me domesticate you
you let me vaccinate you
you let me fumigate you
you let me emasculate you

help me, i've lost my little fido
help me, the semi squashed him flat
help me, i need another doggie
help me chase away all these cats

i want to pet you like an animal
i want to scratch your furry underside
i want to pet you like an animal
it's no fun playing with frogs
you get me closer to dogs

you can drink out of the toilet
you can eat my buffalo wings
you can take a leak on the stairs
you can do just anything

help me, I need a companion
help me, it's got to be you
help me, my life needs a purpose
i'm sick of watching phil donahue

i want to pet you like an animal
i want to scratch your furry underside
i want to pet you like an animal
i don't want potbellied hogs
you get me closer to dogs

-- paul kerschen