ode to laxatives

you keep my rectum healthy
you heal my large intestines
you make my shit come smoothly
you fill my gut with fiber

(help me) when i abuse my insides
(help me) it's really hard to poo
(get me) get me Metamucil
orange gritty flavor will do

i wanna gulp you by the handful
i wanna empty out my inside
i wanna gulp you by the handful
my regularity's flawed
you get my colon unclogged

you can have my constipation
you can have the 'roids that it brings
you can have my Prep'ration H
you can have my everything

(Ex-Lax) tastes just like Hershey's
(Phillips) Milk of Mag-ne-si-um
(Fiber) One makes me perfect
makes me not act anal and glum
i wanna gulp you by the handful
i wanna empty out my inside
i wanna gulp you by the handful
my regularity's flawed
you get my colon unclogged

(commercial break: "So try new Mega-Lax! We give a shit so you can take one!")

-- andrea zane tawil