As many of us know, this is a time of life when you don't have to seek, deserve, or even ask to be fucked with. All you have to do is show up, and the fucking-with will take care of itself. And so we bring you -- with straight faces, yet....
the me that you know took all those SATs
but the class i need filled up an hour ago
the me that you know has got the freshman 15
he can't get into his spiffy new clothes
(i drank too much, it hurts my head
i drank too much, it hurts my head)
those long-distance calls
i miss mom and dad, it makes me so sad
laundry wall to wall
so ashamed of this lack of cleanliness
the me that you know is too ripped to study
and his brain has stopped working all his papers are late
the me that you know can't heed his adviser
because for thinkin' bout rush week i can't concentrate
i could try to get away but my loan check's come in
in another seven years i'll have my degree
i can feel my knees giving way from standing in lines
i don't want this dorm room, it's given me fleas
i live with my six roommates and
we have just one bathroom
finals, oh they're getting closer
i think i might be doomed
(i drank too much it hurts my head
and goddamn this keg next to my bed
i drank too much it hurts my head
and goddamn this keg next to my bed.)
-- kate and kt, professional college pranksters
(the secret masters of the universe say "kiss my Peruna")