-=-=-=-=-= The Purest Feeling NINcon Purity Test =-=-=-=-=-

I. Hotel Questions

1. What "explanations" did you give?

  1. "We're ex-roadies. Really."
  2. "Hi there, I'm from Ruptured Testicle Records..."
  3. "We're here to fuck you over."
  4. "I'm really with Dun & Bradstreet."
2. Did your hotel room overlook:
  1. The airport?
  2. The pool?
  3. Trilogy?
  4. Trent's house?
3. Did you sleep in a room with:
  1. Three other people?
  2. Mistress Lily?
  3. Donna, Stark, and a copy of fixed?
  4. King Dong?
4. How much sleep did you get?
  1. Under 8 hours a night?
  2. Under 4 hours a night?
  3. Under 2 hours a night?
  4. Under 2 hours?
  5. Enough, now that you're dead?
II. Official Events

5. At the banquet:

  1. Did you get rained on?
  2. Did you sing?
  3. Did you throw food?
  4. Was it cake?
6. Did you eat the beef?
  1. Was it still bleeding?
  2. Did you fondle it?
7. To the dance, what did you wear:
  1. Black?
  2. Vinyl?
  3. A suit jacket?
  4. Saran wrap?
  5. Buck Satan?
8. At the dance, did you:
  1. Boogie?
  2. Mosh?
  3. Conga?
  4. Hurt yourself/others?
9. During "closer," did you:
  1. Fuck with Buck?
  2. Not fuck with Buck, 'cause Buck will fuck you up?
  3. Lick the microphone?
  4. Hover and spin?
III. Free time

10. Did you see a Revco?

  1. Did you get a picture?
  2. Did you go inside?
  3. Did you ask for KY jelly there?
  4. Did you see Al?
11. Did you go bowling?
  1. Did you get a strike?
  2. Did you orgasm from it?
12. Did you ride the subway?
  1. Did you carve a NIN logo on the seat?
  2. Did you carve a NIN logo on the man sitting next to you?
  3. Was it Trent?
13. Did you visit the airport?
  1. To pick up 12-year olds?
  2. Did you page Trent?
  3. Did he come?
14. Did you go to Denny's?
  1. More than once?
  2. On the same day?
  3. Did the waitress know what you were going to order?
IV. Miscellaneous

15. What toys did you bring?

  1. Whips? (1 point for each whip/crop)
  2. Cameras?
  3. Fists?
  4. Brownies?
  5. Cuffs?
  6. Clips?
  7. Hair dye? (1 point for each color)
  8. Stickers?
  9. Fishnets?
16. Did you see the dildo?
  1. Did you touch it?
  2. Did you point it at the hotel employees?
  3. Did you hit anyone with it?
  4. Did you deep-throat it?
  5. Are you M.C.Death?
17. Where did you put your PRICK sticker?
  1. On a tollbooth.
  2. On your crotch.
  3. On your nametag.
  4. On a police vehicle.
  5. On the dildo.
18. Where did you spot Trent during the weekend?
  1. Downtown?
  2. In the Time Out bar?
  3. Using your deodorant?
  4. With the Truck Stop convention?
19. About Trixter:
  1. Had you heard the cover before?
  2. Do you own the CD?
  3. Have you called the hotline for hair tips?
  4. Are you in Trixter?
20. You quoted Trent how many times during the weekend:
  1. Who?
  2. Twice.
  3. You're a walking halo.
  4. You ARE Trent. (Fist me.)
21. Which phrase best describes your weekend?
  1. "Happiness in slavery."
  2. "This is the only time I really feel alive."
  3. "Suck, suck, suck!"
  4. "Sin."
-- gnat hammerstrom and gus hartmann

No more NINside jokes! (after this one.)