terrible lie
niktah ambrosia (grimya@ksu.ksu.edu):
"hey God, why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God, i think you owe me a great big apology"
This is an experience that many, if not all, people have at some point in their lives. If there is a God, and if He is a God of love, then why does He hurt his followers so much? And why does He give us thoughts and feelings that are "wrong"? The conclusion here is that God has lied to us (thus the title of the song.) Either He is not a loving God, as has been told to His followers, or He has not correctly told us what is right and wrong and what we are supposed to do to follow Him. The narrator has been pushed so far and hurt so much that he feels nothing worse can befall him, and therefore he has the courage to ask God for an apology (something that very few people would do).
"hey God, i really don't know what you mean
seems like salvation comes only in my dreams
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme
hey God, can this world really be as sad as it seems"
This reference is to the Bible and/or the contradictory messages of religious leaders. There is a lot of confusion as to what is and is not right. Christians are divided in many aspects -- women, gays, and abortion are good examples. There are also examples of Christians killing others in the name of God despite the commandment "Thou shalt not kill." These are the reasons for the confusion, and the reasons why the narrator doesn't feel that he's been saved. The thought process goes as follows: "If I'm not doing what God wants me to do, then I can't be saved. I don't know what God wants me to do, and my choices up until now seem to be the wrong choices, since He is causing so much pain in my life." This helps to breed the hatred against God that has already been started, and it is beginning to result in feelings of desperation and pain. The narrator is asking God to give some sort of sign of His existence and/or love.
"don't take it away from me
i need someone to hold on to"
Despite the hatred for God, there is still a need for Him. The narrator does love God -- or, at least, the God that has been presented to him. His original faith was in a loving God. However, his faith is slipping due to the lack of proof of this God and the increasing proof of a hateful God or no God at all. The narrator doesn't want to lose faith -- he wants his God to exist. However, he will not worship a false God or a God of pain.
"hey God, there's nothing left for me to hide
i lost my ignorance, security and pride
i'm all alone in a world you must despise
hey God, i believed the promises, your promises and lies"
Inner feelings and hopes have been exposed in attempts to evoke some sort of response from God. None of these attempts have proven to be successful. This appears to have broken the narrator. His view has changed from the belief in a loving God to that of a hateful God who plays with humans for his own amusement. Bitterness is clearly seen.
"you made me throw it all away
my morals left to decay
how many you betray
you've taken everything"
An attack on God. The narrator has lost everything that he every thought he had in life in his attempts to please God.
"my head is filled with disease
my skin is begging you please
i'm on my hands and knees
i want so much to believe"
This is a 180. Up until now, the song has led up to the loss of faith in God. Here, the narrator still desperately wants to believe in his loving God. He doesn't want to lose his God. This is one final plea for forgiveness and mercy. The narrator is admitting to God that he has thoughts and feelings that are immoral (the disease) and he wants to be "saved." He doesn't want to live in a Godless world, or a world of hateful Gods.
"i give you everything
my sweet everything
hey God, i really don't know who i am
in this world of piss"
Once again, the narrator is showing his love for God in hopes that He will respond and make things better. There is also an emphasis on the confusion as to his religious views -- what is right, what is wrong, and what is real.
Read on....