"perfect little dream the kind that hurts the mostTo me, this means the all-American dream. The perfect family, the perfect mate, the perfect job...it all hurts like hell. Where does the deepest pain you feel come from? Not a knife, not a bullet...from the ones you love hurting you. "We only hurt the ones we love" It gets repeated so often because it's true. Family sucks. Dreams suck. Life sucks, then we die.
forgot how it feels well almost"
"no one to blame always the sameIn the midst of his crying out at the world for sucking the life out of him...Trent drops the gem that it's really us that make our lives suck. Sure, family blows, the world is cruel, but in the end we can only blame ourselves for making our lives what they are. The realization that it's our fault can be the most painful discovery in the world. Responsibility is a scary monster, ain't it?
open my eyes wake up in flames"
"it took you to make me realizeThis can go two ways. On the one hand, he could be talking to someone who pointed out that he can stop hurting and start living if he only wanted to...but given the next set of lyrics, I think he's saying someone hurt him (or the character in the song) so badly that he finally realized "Hey, I don't have any control over anyone but myself, so why let this shit get to me? I can live my own damn life."
it took you to make me see the light"
"smashed up my sanityDamn. Powerful words, ehh? Here's where the blame comes in. He's frustrated at his feelings. He's been let down again. His world is shattered. Why keep trying so hard when the whole world is just ramming a dry fist up his ass? This always reminds me of those weeks...where I get so dark and pissed...everything just hurts so much I lash out at everyone regardless of responsibility. It's born out of a feeling of hopelessness. But....
smashed up integrity
smashed up what i believed in
smashed up what's left of me
smashed up my everything
smashed up all that was true
gonna smash myself to pieces
i don't know what else to do"
"covered in hope and vaselineStill the optimist. The hope line is obvious, but the vaseline...I think it means that hope is, for lack of a better term, slippery. It's tough to hold onto. Opportunity keeps slipping away...and the subject in the song slides downward...in a spiral, maybe? Things soon turn darker....
still cannot fix this broken machine"
"watching the hole it used to be mineThis one took me awhile...but I think the hole represents someone close to him who reached out for help, and he just wasn't there to help. In the midst of his own crisis, he just couldn't help someone else, hence the betrayal. Abandon hope, all ye who dial my number for help...he sees them hurt, he knows the pain, but can't do a damn thing about it, and feels more guilty now because of it.
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline
of the trust i will betray
give it to me i throw it away"
"after everything i've done i hate myself for what i've become"This is one of the most oft-quoted nin lyrics, I think...because A: it looks and sounds "cool", and B: a lot of us identify with it. It goes back to the shame and guilt he must feel for whatever terrible things he's done. He hates himself because of the choices he's made. I can certainly understand that.
"i triedObvious. This song almost belongs as track 1 on tds...it's the start of the downward spiral, imho. You see, Mr. Self Destruct jumps in the middle of a suicide's feelings. He skipped right over the guilt-and-blame part.
i gave up"
Actually, broken fits right in with the cycle. "wish" is the declaration of anger, "last" is severing a relationship, "happiness in slavery" is submission to the darker side of his mind, and "gave up" begins the cycle of despair leading to the suicidal thoughts in the downward spiral.