(Stick around, it gets better as soon as the Masters of the Obvious go off duty...which is...now.)
Cream butter and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs and beat well. Add dry ingredients, 1 cup at a time, alternating with milk and vanilla, beating well after each addition. Wrap and chill dough for at least 1 hour.
Preheat oven to 375 F. Divide dough into 4 pieces. Roll 1 piece at a time on a floured board to 3/8" thickness; cut with large cookie cutters (T-Rex is preferred, but any old dino will do). Carefully transfer to baking sheet. If desired, insert sticks almost all the way through the cookies. Bake 8 to 10 minutes, checking regularly to make sure cookies don't overbrown. Cool on racks and decorate as desired.
Makes 40 three-inch cookies (or 13 nine-inch ones).
NOTE: The thickness you roll to is important in this recipe, especially if you plan to jam wooden skewers into the raw cutouts (whether you plan to make a cookie bouquet or you just like molesting the dough is your own business). You also want them to set without browning, so the 3/8" rollout is key. It helps to bake on an insulated double-layer cookie sheet; Cushionaire makes a good one.
Royal icing:
Pour icing over cooled cookies on a rack, letting it dribble down the sides of the cookies. To add details, thicken a portion of the icing with additional sifted confectioners' sugar and pipe on with pastry bag.
Shortcut: Use the refrigerated dough in your dairy case (with or without asinine giggling doughboy). Chill until very firm and mix in flour until no longer sticky. Roll to same thickness and proceed as shown above.
You also can make these with your own favorite sugar cookie recipe; just reduce the baking powder slightly to make a firmer dough that will hold its shape better.
Can I see the guest list again?...